4 Lessons for the Women Trying to Figure it ALL Out

4 Lessons for the Women Trying to Figure it ALL Out-   Dear Purposeful Woman.png

I like to believe I am a problem solver. Yet, I struggle to solve the puzzle I am. And don’t get me started on the puzzling world we live in. Now, that’s an article for another day.

I’m arguably a mess. A laughable mess at that, but somehow, I manage to hold the mess together. Somehow, I refuse to give up on the vision in my heart. As broken as the dream feels sometimes, and as unreachable, unrealistic, and incomprehensible as it may seem, I still hold on.

I mean, I can’t let go. Can I?

Between my hectic 9-5, the beautifully challenging gift of marriage, my attempts at redefining adulthood, womanhood, and Christian-hood. I am discovering more and more things about myself that leave me wondering if I will ever figure this thing out.




Life is crazy! America is crazy. I miss home. I miss London. But I know I am not meant to be there. There is an unsettling feeling of knowing you are called to sow seeds in a land that feels very foreign to you. Truth is, all you want to do is run home and hide.

Love is even crazier. My husband and I are unwrapping the beautiful gift of marriage. At the same time, we are learning how to grow in love even when conflict attempts to dehydrate our roots. I am reminded of how important God’s living water is; it keeps us alive.

And purpose – it’s a word that has become a gimmick to so many and a rare commodity sold in bulk to line pockets. But “purpose” is not a product we can buy. Rather, it is ingrained in the fiber of our existence. Man cannot give it or take it away. It is rightfully ours.

As we maneuver through life uncovering and embracing our God-given purpose, I want to share 4 lessons I have learned along my journey. These are simple lessons you can reflect on and apply to your life.

As women, we pride ourselves on having it all together but honestly, we rarely do. But what if we redefine what it means to figure it all out? What if “figuring it all out” has little to do with having it all together and more to do with being led by the One who does?

Think about that for a moment.

Lesson 1: You will never figure it all out.

Yes, that’s right. We will never have a perfect hold on every aspect of our lives. Come on! How can we? Perfect? Is it really even necessary for us to “BE” everything, know everything and do everything to fulfill our God-given purpose? Do we have to look like superwomen to feel worthy, valuable, and purposeful? Can we not fail sometimes, fall short, get it wrong once and a while and still wholeheartedly carry our crosses daily? Can we do this while allowing ourselves to be used as God sees fit?

Which leads me to my next lesson…

Lesson 2: We must deny our self-formulated ideas of “good enough.”

“Good enough” is not a prerequisite for living out our purpose as God intended. The real question is whether or not we have enough “God” in us. Are we being led by the Spirit? Are we seeking God first and submitting our wills to Him? Or, are we depending on our sometimes distorted ideas of being good enough and holding enough to radiate our purpose? Do we measure our abilities with rulers which will never measure up to our calling? Or are we seeking God to be our qualifier?

Lesson 3: Our imperfections are starting points for greatness.

Even at 27 years old, my stomach knots up at the very thought of speaking in front of an audience. Can I tell you a secret? I know that speaking is a part of my calling. But I often think, God why? Why would you call me to do something I’d much rather run a mile from doing and feel unqualified and not good enough to do?

I’m sure you can think of something God is calling you to that scares the life out of you. But do you want to know why He calls us to tasks we hide from? Because they require Him, a lot of Him, more of Him than our egos are sometimes willing to admit or accept.

This past year especially has presented me with many challenges and moments where I have had no choice but to leave my comfort zone and speak my heart out. At work, I have had to lead many meetings with clients and co-workers (something I had never done before). Each and every time, I had to ask God for courage, strength, and guidance. But God is not looking for us to simply call out to Him in times of need; God wants us to acknowledge Him whether or not we think we need His assistance.

He makes all things possible; our limits are not really limits with Him. Our imperfections are only as big as we allow them to be. But we have to believe we can break through every wall plastered with our imperfections and courageously reach the top of each mountain.

Lesson 4: Why figure it all out when you can figure out the one who created it all?

OK, we will never understand or know everything about God. But, we can most certainly invest in getting to know Him more and building a solid relationship with Him. What if we spent more time listening to God’s heart through His Word, instead of listening to the negative voices that contradict it? What if we pursue God as much, if not more than we seek perfection? Why try to be superwoman when you can surpass your limitations and show other women that being “super,” “perfect,” and “knowing it all” aren’t actually enough to be fulfilled. As hard as it is to let go of the desire to know it all, at this moment, I encourage you to rest assured you are in the hands of the One who made it all.

So, to the women trying to figure it all out, believe me, I’m walking with you. Find your freedom in Christ, not perfection, especially in a world that forever changes its ideas of “good enough.”

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Shandice Stallworth | DPW Founder

Dear Purposeful Woman is on a mission to transform how women see themselves, live their faith and walk with purpose daily. I hope my products, programs, and resources encourage you along your purposeful journey. You are here for a purpose, one that lives in the big and small moments of everyday life. Most importantly, it lives within you.

You can keep up with Shandice over on www.shandicestallworth.com