Your Kids Are Not Your ONLY purpose

Guest Post Written by Celma Ococ

Guest Post Written by Celma Ococ

When I had my first daughter my world completely changed for the better, I felt a different kind of love that filled my heart like never before. Before I had her I wanted to become a film director, I was adamant that that's what God wanted to me to be. During my maternity leave, that ambition slowly faded away. I had a whole new perspective of my life which included my daughter whom I was totally obsessed with. A film director became an impossible dream; I didn't want to waste my time on something that I felt was incredibly challenging to do. Instead, I wanted something "realistic," "doable" and convenient. For me, it was about sustainability and providing for my family.

When I was blessed with my second daughter, I felt the same way except I didn't see the point in pursuing anything else other than motherhood. With two children to look after life became challenging, childcare costs were crazy and returning to a low pay job seemed absurd!

I decided to be a stay at home mum because it made sense financially. I tried to look for positions that would help my situation, but I was not interested in any of those roles. The longer I didn't work the more I lost confidence in myself. I felt that my resume was weak and that I was inexperienced in the world of work. After months of rejection and disappointment, I started to believe that my children were my purpose, my ONLY purpose. To me, I was raising a family, the next pediatrician or Serena William and that was enough.

We live in a world where we see what everyone is doing/achieving through social media. I firmly believe it is deceiving and we should be cautious with whom we compare ourselves to. But what I did gain from social media was inspiration. I was inspired by strong women who were mothers and still exploring their gifts. They created products; they blogged, they wrote books or held workshops. It made me think about my life when my children leave home, how can they be my ONLY purpose? What's going to happen when my only purpose decides to pursue their own purpose?

I understand, and I respect the sacrifices we as mothers have to make daily, we might have to sacrifice working for an employer, but we don't need to sacrifice doing what we are called to do. It's God who gives us a purpose, and it's God that will get us there. We have to start with the belief to make things a reality. If you don't believe you have a purpose, then you don't have a purpose! And if you think that your kids are your ONLY purpose, then that's what will happen. It's as simple as that, but you have to ask yourself is there anything else that God wants me to do? Is there anything else that I want to achieve?

When I thought that I was happy with dedicating my life to being a mum, I was slightly in denial, to be honest, I knew that deep down in my heart it was an excuse and a lie that I started to believe. Fear made me go back and forth with my decision. I would wake up one day, and the kids would make me think that this was the best thing ever and then the next day the struggle was so real that it would make me think twice.

One day I had a full on break down, I'm talking rivers flowing down, snot and my usual I can't breathe hiccups (if you have those too then you know what I am talking about). I didn't cry because of the kids; I cried because I was drowning in my fear and disbelief that I cannot do anything other than be a mother. What was really interesting was that I didn't know myself like I thought I did and being a parent meant that I could start again and I could really get to know WHO I AM!

I made a decision that I will try my hardest to live my life to the fullest and to continue to fulfill my purpose so that I can inspire my children. In 20 years or so when they become mothers, they will live a life of complete fulfillment and exercise all their talents/skills. You don't have to make an income out of it or be famous; you just have to be Happy!


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Celma Ococ | DPW Guest Writer

Celma Ococ is a UK-based motherhood and mental health advocate and founder of a community initiative called Time 4 Mums. Learn more here.